GO AWAY

ALL NONSENSE HAS MOVED TO: THETHOUGHTFULPIG.BLOGSPOT.COM

IN MY TOWN IT'S THE ACCOUNTANTS YOU HAVE TO WATCH OUT FOR

Experts say doctor attacks are rare

A Tucson Gastroenterologist was stripped of his medical license for allegedly sexually assaulting a patient, but local experts say these types of attacks are rare.

The unidentified woman claims that on March 1, Dr. Arturo Baez pushed her against a wall, tried to kiss and grope her, and tried to remove her shirt.

rare

MOVE OVER, MABEL

Religion is no defense for polygamy, experts say

jumpin jesus christ

SOME OF THEM HAVE PRETTY BAD B.O. AS WELL

Heavy people may collapse more in hot weather, experts say

ATLANTA ---- Obese people face a higher risk of passing out ---- or worse ---- during heat waves, some health experts say.Layers of fat make it extra difficult for a body to dissipate heat, or to move to a cool location. Add in diabetic dehydration and other conditions common in the obese, and it's a recipe for trouble.

"ER physicians will tell you that they (obese people) are the ones collapsing," said Thomas Adams, a Michigan State University physiologist.

THE CLEVELAND RENAISSANCE CONTINUES

Experts Say Lake Stink Is Natural Occurrence

Rotting Algae Blows Smell From Lake To Shore

CLEVELAND -- Lake Erie is all shook up and the stink has people along the lakeshore holding their noses, NewsChannel5 reported.

Health experts said that the water from flooding runoff is stirring up rotting algae in the lake.
Stiff northeast winds blew the smelly water on shore.

Residents from Westlake to Eastlake complained about the nasty smell and a brownish tint to tap water.

Experts said it's a natural occurrence. The water is safe and should clear up in a few days.
Environmental officials said that the smell will naturally go away as the algae decomposes.

read the good news

I BET IT'S JUST A BUNCH OF JEWISH EXPERTS

Apology too late: celeb crisis experts say

Mel Gibson's Tuesday apology for an anti-Semitic rant after his drunk driving arrest came several days too late, celebrity crisis management experts say.

link to nowhere

SHAKE THIS

To get ahead, use your handshake, experts say

Want to succeed in business? Get a grip.That is, practice your handshake.It may sound silly, but experts and studies agree that a handshake may say more about a person than he or she realizes — and could stand in the way of a key sale or a desired job.

A person’s handshake “is a silent message that screams volumes about who you think you are,” said Pamela Holland, a workplace expert, author, and chief operating officer of Brody Communications Ltd., of Jenkintown, Pa.

after this snip, an instructional fillip

The key to a good handshake, Ms. Holland said, is going in web to web, locking thumb joint to thumb joint.

“You need about two to three pumps, but don’t be a hanger-on and don’t go in so quickly and then out that makes you seem like a germophobe,” she said. It’s important not to have an overly hard grip or a too soft one, she added.

pump that

SO TRUE. IT TURNS OUT THE SHROUD OF TRENTON IS WORTHLESS

Experts say appraising is difficult, don't try it yourself

People who watch "Antiques Roadshow" on TV may be inspired to clean closets and hunt through attics for family heirlooms that, just maybe, could be worth thousands of dollars.

David Carroll, director of collections and curatorial affairs at the Utah Museum of Fine Arts, looks over a 19th century Nothern Plains peace pipe. But before running off to the closest antiques dealer with an armful of Amish quilts and century-old Teddy bears, be warned: your treasures may not be as valuable as you think they are.

One of the drawbacks of "Antiques Roadshow" is, after watching it, people may think they've learned enough to appraise their own valuables. But, more often than not, antiques experts don't recommend self-appraising, unless it's to get an idea of what the object is. Finding out how much the object is worth should be left to the experts, they say.

caveats galore

WHY DO THE EXPERTS HATE AMERICA?


EXPERTS SAY WAR ON TERROR NOT GOING WELL

A survey conducted by Foreign Policy Magazine and the Center for American Progress has found that experts in foreign policy and terrorism believe that the current war on terror is going much worse than Americans think, according to Reuters.

Out of the 117 experts in the survey, 87 percent believe that the war in Iraq has only provoked terrorism and made it even more likely that the U.S. is attacked again. Only 44 percent of Americans agree with that statement. Although 56 percent of Americans believes that the U.S. is winning the war on terror, only 13 percent of the experts would agree.

While the experts believe that there is a risk of a chemical, biological, or nuclear attack on the nation, 67 percent of them said that the next attack will most likely be carried out by suicide bombers.

The experts are predicting that the U.S. will be hit again soon and hard. Eighty-four percent of them expect an attack to be carried out in the U.S. within the next five years at a scale comparable to the London bombings or Madrid bombings. Seventy-nine percent said that the next attack would be at the scale of the attacks on 9/11.

The experts blame the dire situation on poor management of foreign policy, and poor homeland security policies by the government. When asked to grade the Bush Administration’s foreign public policy, they gave the performance of the job an F-minus.

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PERSONALLY, I PREFER TO MUTILATE CATTLE, BUT THAT'S JUST ME

Self-mutilation is on the rise, experts say

big expose here

BUT MOST AGREE HE WILL BE ABLE TO AVOID TELLING THE TRUTH

Cheney probably can't avoid testifying, legal experts say

WASHINGTON Legal experts say if a prosecutor calls him as a witness, Vice President Cheney probably can't avoid testifying in his former chief of staff's perjury trial.

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ALSO, I JUST FOUND OUT THAT MY CAT HAS AN IRA

Birds, apes can plan ahead, studies show

Experiments on orangutans and scrub jays suggest humans aren't the only animals who can think ahead, scientists say.

Orangutans and bonobos - small apes closely related to chimpanzees - have shown that they can remember which tools they need to retrieve a treat.

And scrub jays have shown that they will hide their food a second time if a rival bird saw them store it the first time.

"Planning for future needs is not uniquely human," Thomas Suddendorf of the University of Queensland in Australia wrote in a commentary accompanying the two studies, published Friday in the journal Science.

yeah, yeah

I BLAME IAN FLEMING AND THAT "SHAKEN, NOT STIRRED" MARTINI NONSENSE

Shaken-baby syndrome preventable, experts say

Education, support can help parents, caregivers

see

ANYTHING ELSE I SHOULD WORRY ABOUT?

Flying robot attack virtually unstoppable, say experts

PARIS: It may sound like science fiction, but the prospect that suicide bombers and hijackers could be made redundant by flying robots is a real one, according to experts.

The technology for remote-controlled light aircraft is now highly advanced, widely available - and, experts say, virtually unstoppable.

Models with a wingspan of five metres (16 feet), capable of carrying up to 50 kilograms (110 pounds), remain undetectable by radar.

And thanks to satellite positioning systems, they can now be programmed to hit targets some distance away with just a few metres (yards) short of pinpoint accuracy

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I, MYSELF, AM PETRIFIED BY THE REMOTE CONTROL, THE VACUUM, AND THE TOASTER

Fear the phone, not the doorknob, germ expert says

By Maggie Fox, Health and Science Correspondent

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Worried about colds, flu and other germs? Go ahead and touch those doorknobs and elevator buttons, but watch out for the telephone, fresh laundry and sinks, a top expert advises.

4 pages of advice follow

QUESTION: WHAT WOULD YOU RATHER DO:

HANG AROUND WITH, ERIC COOKSEY?
HANG AROUND WITH BRENDA YEAGER?
TAKE A NAIL GUN TO YOURSELF?

Cut clutter right now, experts say
By Dave Burge / El Paso Times

While you're busy doing your annual spring-cleaning of your house or apartment, it might be a good time to also take a look at your finances, experts say.

Examine your tax situation and do a little tax planning for next year, experts say. Organize your important documents, too.

"There is no better time than right now" to organize your finances, said Mark Steber, vice president of tax resources with Jackson Hewitt Tax Service.

"You just finished with your 2005 return, and you're very familiar with your tax situation," Steber said.

Northeast resident Eric Cooksey, 56, says he reviews his financial picture twice a year.

"It's too easy to fall asleep at the wheel," he said. "It keeps you thinking about it and informed about it. It gives you an opportunity to say, 'I can contribute a little more to that particular investment.' "

El Paso certified public accountant Brenda Yeager recommends that you save a copy of your tax return and any supporting documents for three years.

You might also consider doing a midyear tax assessment, Yeager said. Take your latest pay stub and do a mock return to see if you're headed for a big refund or big tax bill next year, she said.

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THE EXPERTS GET ONE RIGHT, AND DAVE GOLDBERG IS ADVISED TO KEEP HIS DAY JOB. OH, THAT IS HIS DAY JOB?

Bush No. 1 no matter what 'experts' say

DAVE GOLDBERG
Associated Press

NEW YORK - A week ago, there were rumors out of Houston that had the Texans leaning away from taking Reggie Bush with the No. 1 pick and toward Mario Williams, the North Carolina State defensive end who is supposed to be a cross between Julius Peppers and Lawrence Taylor.

snip

So when Paul Tagliabue calls to order his final NFL draft as commissioner, HOUSTON will use it on REGGIE BUSH, RB, Southern Cal.

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COERCION? UNCONSTITUTIONAL LAWS? NO EVIDENCE? WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

Federal Victory in Terror Case May Prove Brief, Experts Say

LOS ANGELES, April 26 — Despite predictions that their victory might not hold up on appeal, federal prosecutors on Wednesday savored their victory in a Sacramento courtroom, where a jury a day earlier convicted an American born in Pakistan of providing support to a terrorist group and lying to investigators.

snip

But legal experts said the prosecution's celebration might be short-lived because a federal appeals court had twice ruled unconstitutional some aspects of the law on which Mr. Hayat was convicted. They also said Mr. Hayat's reported confessions to F.B.I. agents could be challenged on the ground they were coerced from a frightened suspect with a limited command of English.

snip

The government never presented evidence that Mr. Hayat had participated in or planned any terrorist act.

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MY COCKATOO HAS BEEN A WRECK

U.S. Bird Flu Threat May Be Overstated, Experts Say

Dr. Marc Siegel, author of False Alarm: The Truth About the Epidemic of Fear and a clinical associate professor of medicine at New York University School of Medicine in New York City,
said, "There's a complete psychosis here."

"The whole problem with the topic is the blurring of the distinction between birds and people. I'd be worried if I was a bird -- maybe. But not even all birds should be worried," Siegel said.

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BREAKING NEWS

Bounty or bust?: Experts say fall pecan harvest could go either way

It's hard to say whether the coming pecan season will be good or bad, said Stuart Gauthier, associate county agent for the Vermilion and Lafayette Parish Extension Service of the LSU AgCenter.

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ROLL OVER, DICK NIXON

Experts: Tactic Would Be Legal but Unusual

By Michael A. Fletcher Washington Post Staff Writer

Legal experts say that President Bush had the unquestionable authority to approve the disclosure of secret CIA information to reporters, but they add that the leak was highly unusual and amounted to using sensitive intelligence data for political gain.

"It is a question of whether the classified National Intelligence Estimate was used for domestic political purposes," said Jeffrey H. Smith, a Washington lawyer who formerly served as general counsel for the CIA.

snip

Experts said the power to classify and declassify documents in the federal government flows from the president and is often delegated down the chain of command. In March 2003, Bush signed an executive order delegating declassification authority to Cheney.

aargh

MOM: Jimmy, you should always take a bath before you retire.

JIMMY: Is that why Grandpa didn't retire until he was 65?

Are You Ready for Retirement? Experts Say No

Cheyenne- Associated Press

Retirement overconfidence. It may be a phrase that you will be hearing a lot of as the nation's baby boomers approach retirement age.

A new report suggests that tomorrow's sun setters are not doing enough today, but, they say, it's never too late to start.

For most people, the most difficult thing about retirement should be getting early tee times on the golf course, but experts warn that to have stress free golden years, the hard work must come early.

yakety yak

NEXT UP: CAN EATING CAN EASE HUNGER PANGS?

Flooding rains could ease extended drought, experts say

The Associated Press DALLAS — Heavy rainfall that flooded roads, drenched property and swept a visiting college student from China to her death Sunday night may have eased a chronic drought in North Texas, experts said. As floodwaters subsided Monday, authorities were still assessing the damage from storms that dumped as much as 8 inches of rain on parts of the Dallas area this week-end.

DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME ASKING SUE OUT FOR A PIZZA AND A BEER.

Nutrition key to training, experts say

When it comes to nutrition and athletic performance, Sue McIlraith doesn’t mince words.

“If you’re eating crap, you can’t expect great performance,” said McIlraith, a registered dietitian with Affinity Health System. “If you want to have this body of yours perform as a high-performance engine, then you’ve got to treat it that way. That means the food coming in as well as how you’re treating it. If you’re pouring drugs into your body, alcohol, junk food, it’s not going to perform for you the way you want it to.”

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IT'S TRUE, WHY JUST THE OTHER DAY I WENT DOWN TO THE ZOO AND BORROWED LUNCH MONEY FROM ONE OF THEM.

New Studies Show Chimps to Be Altruistic

... a new study by the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology shows that chimpanzees understand when cooperation is needed and help each other to achieve goals.

And chimps are even willing to cooperate without hope of reward.

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THAT'S WHY IT'S BEST TO WAIT TILL THEY'RE ASLEEP

Sex studies show kids do listen to parents

NEW YORK

When it comes to adolescents' attitudes toward sex, movies matter. And so does locker-room chatter. But two recent studies also note the influence that parents have over their children.

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TELL IT TO ALAN SIMPSON

Safety experts say shooter carries responsibility

When it comes to hunter safety, political spin doesn’t fly. Neither do arguments that blame the victim in Vice President Dick Cheney’s ill-fated quail hunt Saturday in Texas, said Mike Streeter, hunter education coordinator for the Nebraska Game and Parks Commission.

“Any attempt by whomever to take the blame off the shooter and put it on the victim is wrong,” Streeter said Monday.

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GOD HELP US

It's wrong to say science excludes God, experts say

Pierre Laplace didn't do science any favors when he let Napoleon provoke him.After reading the French mathematician's opus on celestial mechanics -- the movements of planets -- the emperor asked him why the treatise, unlike the work of Isaac Newton, made no mention of God.

Laplace reportedly replied, in a huff, that he had no need of that hypothesis.

Ever since, science has been saddled with the canard that it arbitrarily and a priori rules out the existence of a deity. When the Kansas board of education deleted the words "natural explanations" from the definition of science last year, it seemed like an effort to right that supposed wrong. But those who attack science as anti-God are fighting a mirage, say both secular and religious scholars.

a reliable source

HOWEVER, IN KANSAS IT'S AS EASY AS SPOTTING AN INTELLIGENT DESIGN BELIEVING HICK

Experts Say Stealing Tissue Would Be Tough In Nebraska

OMAHA, Neb. -- As more and more transplant patients across the country get letters from their doctors, asking them to take HIV, syphilis or hepatitis tests, the process of tissue donation is under scrutiny.

and so on

NO WORRIES. JACK BAUER IS ON THE JOB

Experts downplay risks

WASHINGTON - Each new Osama Bin Laden tape understandably rattles nerves - many Americans fear they signal new attacks or contain secret code words to trigger sleeper cells - but counterterror experts say that notion is largely a myth.

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JUST LIKE MY BANK BALANCE

Experts say botnets shrink in size, harder to trace

Security experts say botnets are increasingly becoming more difficult to trace as criminal hackers have developed clever means to hide them.

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JUST DON'T FIRE THEM AT CARS (see previous post)

Experts say for self-defense, nothing beats a gun

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THEY DO ADMIT IT'S A HECK OF A LOT OF FUN THOUGH

Experts Say Firing At Cars Ususally Bad Idea

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I'D LOVE TO PARTICIPATE. WHERE DO I SIGN UP?

Indoor cats live longer, experts say

Safety is on the minds of veterinarians, animal-shelter operators and advocates who urge owners to rein in wandering cats, especially during harsh weather.

Cats are able to tolerate some cold but are ‘‘at much higher risk" in the winter, said veterinarian Tony Buffington, a professor at the Ohio State University veterinary college.

‘‘Keep your animal inside," said Buffington, who has joined a national debate about cats.

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SUZANNE IS ALSO A NATIONALLY RANKED MARBLES SHOOTER

Fungal rust threatens soybeans, experts say

URBANA, Ill. – Government and industry spent millions of dollars last winter to prepare farmers for soybean rust, a fungus that could cost them thousands of dollars to control. But while the disease was found in southern states for a second straight year, it never reached the Midwest.

Soybean experts say all the Web sites, brochures and seminars weren’t a waste of time and money because farmers need to be wary again this summer.

“Just because we didn’t have soybean rust all the way up into the central part of the United States doesn’t mean that it won’t eventually get here,” Suzanne Bissonnette, a soybean rust expert with University of Illinois Extension, told farmers and chemical applicators at the university’s annual Crop Technology Conference last week. “We’re in the early stages, and I urge you to continue to pay attention to rust.”

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BYE FOR NOW, I'M OFF TO SELL ICE TO THE ESKIMOES

Some sex experts and psychologists said a brothel for women is overdue. Many more women would avail themselves of a professional if it were legal, some experts argue, for reasons not unlike those of the men who frequent prostitutes.

nyt

I HAD NO IDEA THE JAPANESE HAD A TAX ON THAT.
I KNOW HOW TO FIX IT.

Virgin 'tax avoidance' tip of iceberg

Experts say Japanese authorities groping in the dark to find intl schemes

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CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED

Trim trees before weather gets gusty, experts say

The recent Truckee Meadows wet and windy weather is tough on trees, local tree maintenance experts said Thursday.

more direness

WE'RE NUMBER 1!

Experts say chlamydia's on the rise

Of all the countries in the industrialized world, the U.S. has the highest rate of sexually transmitted disease (STD) infectioN.

The North Carolina-based American Social Health Association (ASHA) estimates that 19 million new STD cases occur annually in the nation. That number rises steadily each year.

the bad news

I'VE GOT SOME SUGGESTIONS - AS IN EDITING: SCORES? AS IN PROOFREADING: TACTS?

Give resolutions serious thought, experts say

Bernadette Sedillos Self
El Paso Times

Are you looking to create a new you for the new year? Scores of people choose the beginning of the year to set goals for physical, professional, personal or spiritual improvement.The problem is that many people fail to make the desired changes. Then frustration sets in, and many folks give up on their goals.

Before you dive headlong into setting resolutions for 2006, behavior experts suggest giving serious thought to goals. Ask yourself what you truly want or need to change about yourself.

"It's very important to set realistic goals," said Dr. James Wilcox, professor of psychiatry at Texas Tech University Health Sciences Center. "I think there are different tacts on this but it's often easier to achieve a big goal by taking one thing and focusing on that.

more sagacity here

I WAS WORRIED FOR A SECOND. I THOUGHT IT SAID EXPERTS FACE DIFFICULT YEAR.

Exporters face difficult year ahead, experts say

OTTAWA — Most Canadian exporters managed to keep their heads above choppy waters in 2005, but the coming year will be more difficult with a greater number of threatening squalls, analysts say.

Many of the problems facing the export sector will last well into 2006, with a few new ones piling on as well:

compelling reading

I'M GOING TO CHECK CONSUELA'S PAPERS MYSELF - AS SOON AS THE KIDS ARE OFF TO COLLEGE AND DON'T NEED A NANNY ANY MORE

Experts say undocumented immigrants staying after visas expire

PHOENIX (M) Millions of undocumented immigrants have entered Arizona and other states legally with student, work or tourism visas.And after they expired, some decided to stay around.

Known as "overstays," they've received little attention in the national debate over immigration reform and homeland security.

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IT'S ALSO DANGEROUS TO DROP FROZEN ONES FROM HELICOPTERS

Experts say frying turkey is dangerous

KENANSVILLE -- Frying that Christmas turkey can mean a delicious meal but the technique is dangerous, experts say, and cooks need to use caution.

Turkey frying has become a popular way to prepare the holiday bird in recent years but if you choose to cook it that way you are literally playing with fire, Duplin County extension agent Trudy Smith said.

blah, blah, blah

ALL RIGHT, I'LL CANCEL THE PERUVIAN MARCHING POWDER AND THE JELLO SHOTS, BUT THE THREE-WAY WITH MRS. CLAUS AND CINDY LOU WHO IS STILL ON

Battle holiday stress with toned-down activities, experts say

As many people battle stress and depression during the holidays, one mental health professional advocates being honest about plans and expectations.

Andy Drymalski of Carson-Tahoe Behavioral Health Services suggests -- more than anything else -- that people need to be true to their inner voices.

"Our culture has a certain vision of what the holiday season should be like and what we should be doing," Drymalski said. "The more we try to conform to what society and our family and friends expect from us -- which might not be a good fit for who we really are -- the more we become depressed."

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I'M GETTING THE BUSTER KEATON

Experts Say Facial Transplants Are Justified, British Medical JournalCategory:

With news of the world's first facial transplant hitting the headlines, experts in this week's BMJ debate whether the benefit of this procedure to someone with severe facial deformity outweighs the risk of long term suppression of the immune system.

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INSERT DUMB MEMORY JOKE HERE

Experts say caffeine helps your short-term memory

Vienna.– According to researchers in Austria, consuming the caffeine equivalent of two cups of coffee, 100 milligrams, increases brain activity in the frontal lobe – that is where your short term memory is.

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NEXT WEEK WE LEARN WHETHER COLD SHOWERS CAUSE CHLAMYDIA

Can hot waxing lead to herpes? Not likely, say experts.

A new e-mail making the rounds suggests that women who receive professional waxings to get rid of unwanted hair could be putting themselves at risk for herpes.

The backstory to this urban legend sounds plausible. But experts say it's not true.

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BEDBUG UPDATE (see)


Swiss Women Sue After Hotel Bedbug

Two Swiss businesswomen who spent a week at Manhattan's Hotel Pennsylvania in September have filed a lawsuit saying they had a lousy time trying to sleep there because they were bitten by bedbugs. Ksenija Knezevic, of Zurich, and Marlies Barisic, of Kreuzlingen, both in their early 30s, say the bloodsucking insects began attacking Sept. 17, the night they checked into the hotel across from Madison Square Garden.

The women's lawsuit, filed in Manhattan's state Supreme Court, says they suffered bedbug bites over their torsos, arms and legs. Their lawyer, Alberto Ebanks, said bugs also bit their cheeks and necks and caused possibly permanent scarring. `

"They were eaten alive,'' Ebanks said Wednesday.

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THE DOGS TAKE MAJOR MEDICAL, THE TREES WANT CASH UP FRONT

Feeling Ill ? Experts Say Pet a Dog or Hug a Tree

Researchers writing in November’s British Medical Journal looked at the relationship between bonding with nature and pet ownership and enjoying enhanced health. It’s not a surprise that they found a direct correlation.

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HERE'S A STORY WITH LEGS

Experts Say U.S. in Midst of Bedbug Invasion

Bedbugs are making a big comeback in parts of the U.S., including New York City, and Atlanta. And they're not only hiding out in fleabag hotels, either.

Exterminators say they're finding bedbugs in around four times the number of hotel rooms they did last year.

"People's homes, and in places you wouldn’t expect, like aircraft and cruise ships," said Frank Meek of Orkin Pest Control.

Pest control experts say the tiny bloodsucking bugs are on the increase, partly because people travel more. "This is an insect that's a great hitchhiker. So if you're there, and he's there, they can get up, walk around with you and come with you to your next destination," Meek said.

snip

The bad news is that the only way to rid a home of the insects is to call a professional exterminator.

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THANKS FOR NOTHING, KEVIN

The perfect wine is the one you enjoy, the experts say

The week before Thanksgiving is one of the busiest times of the year for wine experts. Not only is a lot of wine consumed with that ultimate of holiday meals, people take extra care with what they choose.

"We always tell people the perfect wine is the wine they enjoy. There's no absolutely right answer," said Kevin Anderson, the cellar master at AJ's Fine Foods in La Encantada.

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MINCE PIES & HORRIBLE IN-LAWS STILL POSE THREATS, HOWEVER

Thanksgiving Dinner Safe From Bird Flu, Experts Say

Cooking Turkey Properly Kills Germs

CINCINNATI -- Americans concerned about contracting bird flu from their Thanksgiving dinner can gobble down their meals without too much worry, reported WLWT-TV in Cincinnati.
"There's no greater threat this Thanksgiving than any Thanksgiving," said Ron DeHaven, of the U.S. Department of Agriculture Department.

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WHY, THOSE BITCHES!

Bullying incidents common at American schools, experts say

Bullying is a major problem in America's schools. Normally, girls tend to bully by social isolation, taunting and gossiping, those who have studied the issue said.

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NEVER MIND. I THOUGHT IT SAID ABANDONED BLOGS

Abandoned bogs: They're nothing but trouble, experts say

read the story

I'M BOOKED NEXT MONTH ON THE S.S KLINGHOFFER. SHOULD I BE CONCERNED?

Experts say cruises vulnerable, but lines defend security plans

MIAMI (AP) — It sounds like a scene in a Hollywood blockbuster: Pirates hit a luxury cruise ship with rocket-propelled grenades and machine guns off a lawless African country. The cruise crew tries to ram both pirate boats, uses an earsplitting high-tech weapon on the attackers and evades them.

That was the real-life situation the crew and passengers of the Seabourn Spirit found themselves in off Somalia last weekend. With piracy common in some areas and terrorism fears present after the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, cruise lines say they train their crews and have security measures to respond effectively to these threats.

But security experts say that despite all the preparations, cruise liners are vulnerable to attacks like this one or the deadly bombing by al-Qaeda-linked militants of the USS Cole in Yemen five years ago.

the rest of the good news

FLASH: JENNA JAMESON SET TO STAR IN SNOW WHITE REMAKE; WELL ENDOWED DWARVES (AREN'T THEY ALL?) SOUGHT FOR SUPPORTING ROLES

Kids' films are getting raunchier, experts say

A shotgun-wielding hunter mercilessly pursues his target. Angry space aliens vaporize a defenseless town. A bloodthirsty shark preys on the weak and tiny.

These movie scenes aren't from the latest action thrillers -- they're from G-rated animated films like Disney's new "Chicken Little."

As pop culture mimics today's permissive social values, violence and veiled sexual references have crept into the seemingly innocent cartoon landscape, giving parents new reason to do research beyond the ratings.

It's not that the Motion Picture Association of America's ratings board has become more permissive, said MPAA president Dan Glickman: "It's bound to be a reflection of society."

blah, blah blah

I'LL PROTECT YOU. JUST EMAIL ME YOUR NAME & SS# FOR INFO.

Forget Phish, Computer Experts Say to Watch Out For Rats

Thursday, November 3, 2005 — They're called remote access trojans, or "rats." Internet experts say it's the newest way for computer hackers to try and steal your identity. These trojans sneak onto your computer through music download sites, electronic greeting cards, even pornographic and gambling sites.

The worst part is you won't even know they're on your computer. They wait for you to log onto a bank website and type in your account number or user ID and password. Then the trojan takes that information and sends it to a hacker. Anti-virus and spyware software can help, but you are your best defense. Stay away from unfamiliar websites, and don't click on pop-ups on your computer.

"Your best defense is be careful how you use the computer, don't respond to every pop-up or unauthorized e-mail," Best Buy Geek Squad Agent Jesse Astorga said. Rats are gaining popularity over phishing -- some say it's because consumers have gotten good at spotting the fake e-mails.

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ON THE OTHER HAND, FINDING PECKERWOODS IN ARKANSAS IS VERY EASY

Cornell researchers say finding rare Arkansas woodpecker hard

Brinkley, Ark. -- As a team of searchers sets off into Arkansas' Big Woods with the hopes of recording another sighting of the rare ivory-billed woodpecker, experts say they have a daunting task ahead.

"The trail is fairly cold at this point," said Ken Rosenberg, an ornithologist from Cornell University in Ithaca, N.Y., while speaking at a symposium of bird experts in Brinkley this week.

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SILLY ME. I THOUGHT THOSE GORKS IN MONTANA WERE ALREADY IN SURVIVAL MODE 24/7. I THOUGHT IT WAS THE WHOLE POINT OF LIVING THERE.

Be prepared to survive on your own, disaster experts say

One of the lessons of Hurricane Katrina is that people can't always expect government to come riding to the rescue, so the wise course is to be prepared to rescue yourself. In Montana, that means families should keep handy the kind of gear they'd need to go camping for a week, disaster experts said Tuesday at a panel discussion at Montana State University.

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BUT DID THE EXPERTS READ THE ARTICLE?

Pathological gambling among the young is exaggerated, experts say

A well-documented upsurge in online poker appears to be fueling a corresponding growth in problem-gambling statistics among young people. According to the Annenberg Public Policy Center, the 2003-04 period saw an 84 percent growth in weekly poker play among male high school and college students and half of all college students gamble at least once a month.

Arnie Wexler, who advises major casino companies on disordered gambling and runs 1-888-LAST-BET, tells the Business Press that one-third of the calls to his hotline either come from people under age 25 who are addicted to poker or Internet gambling -- or from their concerned parents. "It's unreal," Wexler says.

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THOSE BAGEL SLICERS THEY SELL AT THE KITCHEN STORE AREN'T VERY GOOD EITHER.

Antibacterial soap isn't a wonder, experts say

WASHINGTON -- Popular antibacterial soaps and washes offer no more protection than regular soap and water, a federal advisory panel said Thursday, telling companies to prove their products are better if they expect to continue making claims to the public.

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DARN, I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO FIND A NEW HOBBY.

Inhaling gasoline can cause brain damage, experts say

The agonizing death of a Hallandale Beach teenager from burns resulting from a group's attempt to get high by sniffing gasoline highlighted a dangerous practice that all too often goes unnoticed by parents.

Seventeen-year-old César García was sniffing gasoline out of a plastic gas can with his friends on Monday when one of them, 20-year-old Phillipe Sánchez, leaned over to ignite a pool of gasoline that had dribbled onto the floor, police said.

The ensuing blaze burned down the teen's mobile home and left him with second- and third-degree burns covering 80 percent of his body. He died the next day. Sánchez, who also sustained serious burns, is in jail on arson and second-degree murder charges.

One question that remained unanswered: Why would Sánchez ignite the highly flammable substance they were inhaling?

A person high on inhalants is usually out of touch with reality, uncoordinated, slow and out of control, experts say.

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IMPRESSIVE TITLE, WONDER IF THE BENEFITS ARE ANY GOOD

Experts call for creating US bird flu czar

By Maggie Fox, Health and Science Correspondent Thu Oct 13, 9:36 AM ET

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The United States needs a top official, backed by authority and cash, to prepare for a possible bird flu pandemic, experts said on Wednesday.

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I THINK I'LL STICK TO POLAND SPRING, JUST THE SAME

Floodwater Not as Toxic As Feared, Experts Say

Metals Seen as Chief Hazard In Survey of New Orleans

The floodwater that covered New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina was not unusually toxic and was "typical of storm water runoff in the region," according to a study published yesterday.

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I'M VERY BUSY JAMMING CIA RADIO WAVES AND GOING TO THE GUN CLUB, I DON'T HAVE TIME TO WATCH OUT FOR MY COWORKERS

Experts say watch out for trouble in co-workers' lives

Following the second workplace shooting in three months in Anne Arundel County, local security consultants, human resources executives and conflict mediators are reiterating advice they always provide: Co-workers and supervisors should look out for signs of trouble in each other's personal lives.

"You can usually do something to head this off," said William Brill, a security consultant based in Annapolis. "Usually someone knows that something is going wrong."And when something does go wrong, personal affairs can come crashing into the workplace, sometimes with tragic consequences.

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POOR SHERYL CROW

In a bluntly worded editorial with ..., Dr. Steven Schrader, a reproductive health expert who studies cycling at the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health, said he believed that it was no longer a question of "whether or not bicycle riding on a saddle causes erectile dysfunction."

Instead, he said in an interview, "The question is, What are we going to do about it?"

The studies, by researchers at Boston University and in Italy, found that the more a person rides, the greater the risk of impotence or loss of libido. And researchers in Austria have found that many mountain bikers experience saddle-related trauma that leads to small calcified masses inside the scrotum.

This does not mean that people should stop cycling, Dr. Schrader said.

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MY WIFE WAS OUT ALL NIGHT, SHOPPING SHE SAID, AND SHE BECAME PREGNANT. I WAS SUSPICIOUS, BUT AFTER READING THIS, MY MIND IS AT EASE.

Career women turning to IVF, say experts

Career women are abandoning sex and turning to in-vitro fertilisation (IVF) treatment to have instant babies, medical experts have warned.

They take up the treatment long before exhausting the natural alternative because they are too busy or tired to have sex, doctors claimed. In some circles, according to one expert, women see having a baby as “no different from putting your name down for a handbag”.

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I'D DO IT, BUT THE COMMUTE WOULD KILL ME

Experts Say Timing Is Right For Buying Homes In Bahamas

While many investment experts are wondering if there is a bubble in the lofty real estate market, they're also forecasting that timing is ideal for purchasing international real estate, particularly in places like The Bahamas and the Caribbean where available oceanfront property is still a reality and home values are steadily appreciating

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I THINK I'LL GO DOWN THERE THIS WEEKEND, EAT A BUNCH OF CRABS, BUY ONE OF THOSE CRABBY DOUBLE-ENTENDRE T-SHIRTS, AND DRIVE HOME

Maryland crabs are best this time of year, experts say

Most people quit eating hard-shell crabs at Labor Day - and most people are making a big mistake, according to state agricultural experts, who say that the plumpest, tastiest crabs are caught between early September and mid-December.

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I'M WAITING FOR THE PODCAST

Experts say Catholics still don't read Bible regularly

VATICAN CITY (CNS) -- While it may be a best-seller, the Bible still is not regularly read, nor has it become an integral part of many Catholics' lives, said a panel of biblical experts.

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IT'S NO BIG DEAL. WHY, I'VE GOT A FEW HUNDRED MYSELF

Hoarding cats: Behavior not unusual, experts say

STAMFORD -- Lynn DellaBianca expected to find 10, maybe 20, cats on the call she got about bellicose felines at the home of a Stamford couple last year.DellaBianca, then the Stamford Animal Control Center manager, said she and the couple were surprised when they counted 80 cats in the 1,200-square-foot home, which was layered in feline feces and urine.

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YOU'RE WEARING GRAY TODAY, YOU'RE FROM BERLIN I'D SAY YOU'RE A MODEL CAN I BE BLUE FOR YOU, LIKE I'M IN FASHION TOO.....*

Fashion the perfect pick-me-up, say experts

NEW YORK: Fashion isn't as frivolous as it may seem in these troubled times, experts say. In fact, the gentle, comforting colours showing up in the newest collections may be just what we need.

The colours in clothes for next spring, being paraded down the runways in nearly 200 fashion shows this week in New York, are soft and muted. Nothing is terribly bright, nor is anything terribly dark, note industry experts and insiders.

"I think spring is trying to be cheerful in a low-key way," said David Wolfe, creative director of The Doneger Group, a fashion and merchandising company.

Consumers are struggling with concerns over the world's woes since the attacks of September 11, 2001, including the war in Iraq, fears of terrorism, the Asian tsunami and, now, the devastation of Hurricane Katrina, the experts note.

"As a society, we're doomed to living with depressing news," Wolfe said. "But we can take a little happy pill when we go shopping. A little colour makes us feel better."

The colours are homey and soothing, said Leatrice Eiseman, executive director of the Pantone colour Institute.

Designers are calling purple plum, while green is thyme, pink is blush, yellow is buttercup and blue is cornflower.

Then there's clove and espresso and earth and ginger and raffia and pecan - all of which are some sort of brown.

So homey are some looks that designer Carolina Herrera trotted out a "coffee bean" bikini with "radish detail," and Betsey Johnson showed a "mint chocolate" - pale green and brown - baby doll dress.

Then there's the popular French vanilla, which is half yellow, half cream, said Eiseman.
"It's an ice cream colour," she said. "It's that nurturing quality.

"There is a soft, soothing message coming this spring," she said. "We want to get away from the chaos."

The most striking palette for spring is barely there, said Joan Kaner, senior vice president and women's fashion director of Neiman Marcus.

In particular, she said, there is a preponderance of white, ivory, ecru and beige, with "a pop of apricot or blue" as accent.

Kaner said she expects clothes-conscious consumers will love what they see because fashion makes us feel hopeful.

"You get so depressed by the world situation, you want to bring some beauty into your life," she said.

And just how did designers, who have been putting these looks together for the better part of a year, know what we would find appealing?

"Maybe we just expect something is lurking under the surface," said Eiseman. "Certainly after 9/11, that feeling has not gone away. It's in our collective psyche. It still feels like something terrible could happen."

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*SH&CR

SO MUCH FOR A WEEKEND GETAWAY TO PISCIS AUSTRINUS

Experts Say Wormholes, Time Machines Unreliable

According to a new paper by researchers Roman Buniy and Stephen Hsu, traversable wormholes and time machines cannot be both stable and predictable. Albert Einstein and Nathan Rosen published the first scientific paper on wormholes (also called Einstein-Rosen bridges) in 1935, describing how it might be possible for two distant regions of space-time to be connected through a tunnel-like spatial shortcut.

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CALENDARS 101

Experts say hurricane season is far from over

Forecast team expects ‘near-record’ level of severe storms

FORT COLLINS, Colo. - Amid the unfolding disaster left behind by Katrina, hurricane researchers said Friday that they expect still more storms over the next two months.

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COME ON IN

(Myrtle Beach-AP) August 29, 2005

Experts say two shark bites in a week along the Grand Strand don't mean the area's waters are getting more dangerous.

Coastal Carolina University professor Dan Abel says any number of other beach hazards, from jellyfish to bacterial infections to rip currents all pose a greater threat than shark attacks.

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COST CONSCIOUS CARJACKERS REPORTED NOW TARGETING HYBRID VEHICLES, SEGWAYS, & MOTOR SCOOTERS

--

Gas Price Spike Affecting Everyone, Experts Say

Aug. 24--The wallet-walloping jump at the pump this month to almost three bucks a gallon for regular unleaded gas is a ticking time bomb in the public's price-pummeled psyche, local experts say.

And as the city and SEPTA prepare to pay millions more for gas and diesel when they renegotiate their fuel contracts with suppliers this fall, the Average Joe will eventually foot those bills, too, with public tax dollars.

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MATH CLASS IS THATTA WAY, I SAY

Despite string of crashes, skies are safer, experts say

Worldwide, nine crashes occurred last year, killing 203 people, while 2 billion passengers flew on commercial flights, according to the International Civil Aviation Organization. The figures do not include charter flights.

Five major crashes have occurred in 2005, resulting in 308 deaths, according to a database survey of airplane crashes maintained by Aviation Safety Network. The crashes were in Afghanistan, Australia, Equatorial Guinea, Colombia and Greece and do not include chartered flights.

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ONE OF KANT'S LESSER KNOWN MORAL IMPERATIVES

Experts Say Rising Gas Prices Spur Thefts

AM Industry experts say gasoline theft cost retailers $237 million last year and this year may be much worse because of the higher prices. With gasoline prices soaring, industry experts predict the number of drive-offs - and violence - will increase.

But gas station owners are wrestling with a dilemma. How do they make sure people don't steal gas without hurting profits from other parts of their business? Many stations have gone to a pay-first policy, but they say that cuts down browsing and buying in gas station stores, which is a big chunk of their income.

A spokesman for the National Association of Convenience Stores says "As the price of gas climbs, people's values decline."

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I'D LIKE TO FIND THESE PEOPLE AND BEAT THEM AND STOMP THEM AND PUMMEL THEM AND CRUSH THEM ALL UP INTO A BIG SHAPELESS GOOEY PULP.

Video Games Are Too Violent, Mental Health Experts Say

Violent video games are hurting children by fostering aggressive behavior and angry thoughts, the American Psychological Association said in a statement issued Wednesday.

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ALSO, SHE IS ADVISED AGAINST MOUNTING ANYTHING AT ALL FOR THE TIME BEING

Madonna told to rest after fall

LONDON, England -- Injuries suffered by Madonna during a horse-riding accident mean she will have to stop dancing for several months and take a break from her beloved yoga, medical experts say.

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INTRODUCING STUDIES SHOW, THE BASTARD SON OF EXPERTS SAY

Boating, drinking can be harmful combination

Studies show, however, that nearly 50 percent of all boating accidents involve alcohol. Studies also show that passengers are 10 times more likely to fall overboard when they have been consuming alcohol.

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TELL IT TO ABEBE BIKILA

Exercising? Shoes Matter, Experts Say

Improper Shoes Could Lead To Pain, Injury

A Texas exercise physiologist warns that an improper shoe for a specific type of activity could have an adverse effect on the shoe wearer.

"You wouldn't start any project without the proper equipment," said Tiffany Ryan, an exercise physiologist at Medical Center of Arlington.

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PEPPER SPRAY ALSO GOOD

Education key in fighting domestic abuse, experts say

Victims of domestic abuse shouldn't be afraid to ask for help.
That's the message to be delivered at a workshop this week for battered women.

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I THINK GOOD KEYBORDING SKILLSE R VERY IMPOTENT TO

Good penmanship still has value, experts say

BY STEVENSON SWANSONChicago Tribune

NEW YORK - (KRT) - We've come a long way from John Hancock.
In stark contrast to the Bostonian's bold, clear signature on the Declaration of Independence, handwriting in America seems to have degenerated into tangles of scratches and wiggles that bear only passing resemblance to any letters of the alphabet.

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PONY EXPRESS ALSO UNDER ATTACK

Shuttle era comes to an end, experts say

While the space shuttle Discovery has successfully returned NASA to human spaceflight, it has also added pressure on the U.S. space agency to move beyond the shuttle program.

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WHERE DO THEY FIND THE TIME? I'M TOO RUSHED TO TRIM MY FINGERNAILS, MUCH LESS CHOP OFF BODY PARTS.

Self-injury cuts deeper into America's youth

BY VINCENT J. SCHODOLSKIChicago Tribune

LOS ANGELES - (KRT) - When she was 16, Laura Snow moved back to the United States from Hong Kong, where her parents had been working as missionaries for more than six years.
It was a hard adjustment for her, and the problems she encountered compounded difficulties she already had experienced.

"Being a minister's kid, you have to behave better than everybody else," said Snow, now 22.

So one day shortly after she returned, Snow picked up a pair of scissors and cut her skin. For years, razor blades were the weapon of choice to cut herself in a bloody ritual that thousands of Americans - perhaps far more - do, many as a form of release.

People have engaged in self-harming behavior for decades, some experts say for millenniums. But professionals agree that younger and younger people are cutting their skin, burning themselves, bloodletting and even cutting off portions of fingers and ears in extreme cases.

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CROQUET THE NEXT CRAZE

Volleyball on brink of collapse, say experts

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I RENT ALL MY APPLIANCES, SO THIS REALLY DOESN'T CONCERN ME

Extended warranties usually a bad buy, experts say

We usually don't recommend people bother with them, since some form of warranty is (typically) included from the manufacturer," says Kevin Brasler, managing editor of "Consumers' Checkbook," a magazine put out by the Center for the Study of Services, a not-for-profit research organization in Washington that rates goods and services.

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DETAILS, DETAILS

WASHINGTON, Aug. 7 - Health officials, who over the weekend announced success in an initial test of a human vaccine against avian influenza, cautioned Sunday that the existence of a vaccine in itself would not be enough to avert a worldwide pandemic.

An unresolved question, experts said, is whether everyone should get the vaccine and, if so, when.

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THAT REMINDS ME, I'VE GOT TO CALL MY EX-WIFE

Time for US to talk directly with Iran, say experts

WASHINTON (AFP) - The United States may have to emulate its new strategy of holding direct talks with North Korea for any long term resolution to its other nuclear dispute with Iran, experts say.

For the first time in its nearly three-year row with North Korea, the United States is engaging in extensive direct negotiations with the hardline communist state aimed at ending its nuclear weapons program under a Beijing-hosted multilateral forum.

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OUT ON A LIMB, ONCE AGAIN

Some disasters at Scout Jamboree were avoidable, experts say

BOWLING GREEN, Va. -- Their motto is: ''Be prepared.''

But as the disaster-riddled National Boy Scout Jamboree carries on after five deaths and hundreds of heat-related illnesses, event planners nationwide are wondering just how prepared the Scouts were.

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WELL, BLOW ME DOWN

Experts say hurricane season to be worse than was forecast.

Tribune Newspapers: Orlando SentinelPublished August 3, 2005

MIAMI -- Federal hurricane forecasters boosted their prediction Tuesday, saying this season could spawn as many as 21 tropical storms and 11 hurricanes, with seven of them ballooning into intense storms.

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SO MUCH FOR THAT MIRACLE STUFF

Experts say most people survive plane crashes

WASHINGTON/TORONTO, Aug 3 (Reuters) - While Canadian officials and others call the survival of all 309 people on a jet that crashed in Toronto a miracle, aviation and safety experts said on Wednesday that most passengers do escape air disasters, especially accidents that occur on the ground.

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EVEN FOR CANADIAN EXPERTS, THIS ONE'S SORT OF A GIMMEE, EH?

Jet missed safe zone on runway, experts say

Flight 358 touched down nearly halfway down landing strip, airport radar suggests

Air France's ill-fated Flight 358 "landed long," far beyond the normal touchdown zone, as the co-pilot struggled to reduce speed and get the big Airbus A-340 on the ground, according to aviation experts familiar with the early stages of the investigation.

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AND I ALWAYS THOUGH IT WAS WELL INFORMED COURTEOUS MENSA MEMBERS CRUISING ALONG IN LIGHT TRAFFIC WHO WERE RESPONSIBLE

Experts say ignorance contributes to road rage

Good driving is difficult when rude is the rule.

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- The term "road rage" is new to the American lexicon and bespeaks an explosive, behind-the-wheel ugliness that sometimes ends in tragedy.

Experts say there are a number of reasons for it. Crowded highways cause tailgating and near-collisions, they say. Another reason is the great urgency Americans have to reach their destination fast.

But a third, they say, is a combination of ignorance and bad manners.

"When we get behind a car, some demon takes over and we become discourteous, illegal drivers that cause a lot of problems," says Terry Gainer, director of the Illinois State Police.

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